Jay P, His Complicated Half-Married Relationship Status, and Living the the Life You Choose
Recently, I shared my story about “Jay M”. Why the “M”? is what I hear my Sisters musing. Well Beauties, the “M” is to distinguish Jay “M” from Jay “P”. I maybe have a thing for Jays, or maybe I just got **super lucky** in the Jay Department.
If you’ve read my stories so far, you know that I am a Queen of phenomenal worth and I refuse to date mere mortals. My King That Doesn’t Exist in Nature will have to bring a different type of energy to this Majestic Matriarch if he wants any of my time and attention. Unless his name is Jay apparently.
Sometime last year, I was visiting my friend Hortencia in another city. I feel the need to insert a side note about this Queen. Hortencia is Pure Platinum, Certified, Bonafide Badassery. She is a Black Diva with infinite hustle. Now y'all know I am a confident, accomplished, impressive Warrior Queen, but Hortencia INTIMIDATES ME. She’s fuckin FINE, she’s a business owner, she’s a podcaster, she’s an influencer, and she has a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for f-boys - or any kind of BS at all really. Hortencia has harnessed alllllllll her Divine Feminine Power and she is absolutely making it RAIN. Shero.
So I’m out at a cute little bar with Hortencia just trying to soak up some of her Diva-ness by osmosis. The music is thumpin and there are some Beautiful Black Queens in there dancing for the crowd and commanding the entire room with withering confidence. I had to get a cocktail napkin and wipe the drool off my chin. In my next life, I want to be them.
I noticed a dark, handsome stranger across the room, mostly because he is making eye contact with me. I might or might not have had a few delicious cocktails at that point, and he sure was attractive, but I have learned that this is a dead end street so I continued to mind my damn business.
At a certain point, my cocktails caught up with me, and I needed to use the little doctor’s room. Except the only path to the powder room was walking right past this sexy stranger, who I would come to know as Jay. Risky play, but my bladder was not taking no for an answer. So I went and did my biz and headed back to my seat at the bar. Except on my way back, Jay reached his hand out to catch mine. Instant fireworks ❤️🔥. WTF was THAT??!! He asked me if he could buy me a drink. Boy howdy was he good looking and he smelled soooo good and he even had an accent and if you say you are not a sucker for an accent, you are a dirty liar.
At this point, I can skip the details because my Sacred Sisters know how this cliche plays out. Except I left with Hortencia, so do not make assumptions about my sleeping arrangements that night okay?
The next night, Jay took me on a proper date. We had mad chemistry and I might be a Goddess but I have my human moments, don’t judge me. Jay told me he had been divorced for a couple of years, he talked a lot about his children and it was very clear he is an amazing father. He has a great job in Human Resources. Has all his ish together.
Over the weeks, I began to get to know Jay. He was witty and made me laugh all the time. We could talk about literally any subject and he had well thought out, informed opinions, and this little sapiosexual was all tingly all over. He was attentive and kind and felt really safe. But what impressed me most was his sturdiness. Jay was unflappable. Jay could take the truth, even when it hurt. Jay held himself accountable and knew how to make a proper apology. None of this "I'm sorry you feel that way" passive aggressive baloney. No throwing the monkey off his back. Of all the things about Jay that were attractive, that proper apology was fucking HAWWWWWTTTT. And Jay was very, very into me (DUH).
But I’m an observant Queen and trust must be earned. I sat atop my throne sorting through all of the information I had about Jay and I could feel myself catching some feelings dammit. In light of that, I knew I better get to researching before it was too late. Nancy Drew Powers Activate 💥
ARRRRGGGHHH Here we go AGAIN with another one whose wife’s Instagram gave him away. Why are they so dumb tho?? It wasn’t even hard to find. Cozy photos of the two of them A MONTH AGO on vacation together. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
At this point, Jay had just had shoulder surgery and was in postoperative pain and no doubt groggy from pain medicine and that was not my fucking problem. I didn’t even need the interrogation room for this one. It was plainly obvious that Jay was not as single as he said he was.
Upon confrontation, to his credit, Jay instantly came clean without excuses or gaslighting or scapegoating or any of those shenanigans. Jay informed me that they are indeed separated (so NOT divorced), but they still ….IDK spend holidays together? And go on vacations together but they don’t have sex? But their 18 year old daughter can’t get over their split and doesn’t want him to date other women or else she might go off the deep end and……WHAAAAAAAAAT???? Okay I want nothing to do with this fucktangle. To his credit, Jay came with that genuine proper apology that makes me kneak in the wees, and he did it at least a dozen times and he MEANT IT. Ugghhh Stop it, Jay. I am a forgiving Queen and that witchcraft had me thinking I might wanna forgive Jay for being a liar.
Sisters, riddle me this: How can a man be so emotionally mature and so intelligent and allow himself to live in such a twisted scenario?? This is baffling to me.
Anyway, when I feel weak - and we all have our weak moments - I channel my inner Hortencia. WWHD?? Hortencia would never have been seduced by a man in the first place. Hortencia is the Seductress. You don't come for this Queen unless she sends for you. Hortencia wouldn't find Her Royal Highness in a messy mess with a man like this from the get-go.
I did try blocking Jay, but he used the TextMe app to get a new number and text me again with more witchcraft. But I call em like I see em, and Jay couldn't disagree when I said he did not have space for another Queen in his life beside his Half-a-Wife, and a daughter who is obviously confused about WTF her parents are even doing.
We attempted a “friendship” for about a month, but the attraction was a 10 on the Richter scale and I ultimately grabbed my ovaries and told Jay to call me when his divorce is done - MAYBE I'll be available and MAYBE I'll be interested in giving you the time of day. The tricky part, I knew, was that I had tried rejecting Jay before, but he had walked right through that boundary, so I had to use some witchery of my own this time.
So here is another little trick I've learned (besides asking WWHD?): THINK ABOUT THE DAUGHTERS. I have daughters, Great Glorious Warrior Queens of Phenomenal Worth, and that's not just my opinion - you can ask anyone. The thought of any of those Badass Goddesses being someone's side chick to a fucktangle makes my blood boil. Now as I said, Jay is a fantastic father, and Jay is a girl-dad, and I knew this little trick would work on Jay, too.
So I just asked him. How would you feel if your daughter were in a situation with a man like you? What would you want that man to do? His response: "I would want him to decide or go." 🎯 Bingo, Jay. "Good," I said, "Decide or go then." Jay said "My situation is too fucked up to give you what you deserve." 💯 NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE JAY.
My conclusion is this: Life is messy and we are all just humans, humanning all over the place and all over each other. But, for the most part, you LIVE THE LIFE YOU CHOOSE. I will not waste my Radiance and Transcendent Beauty and Divine Feminine Love on a man who won't CHOOSE ME. Jay has potential. Jay *might* have been the Luckiest Man Alive to have this Warrior Queen choose him. But Jay chose another life, and you live the life you choose.