Honestly, it feels like one of the most fucked up things a person can do to you: Lie, lie, lie and when caught, blame it on your "trust issues". The seething, white-hot rage that bubbles up like lava from deep in my core carries the heat of a thousand suns when someone says that shit to me. Damn right I have trust issues, because these MFers in these streets cannot be trusted. Let me tell you about Edson.
I met Edson on a dating app while I was out of town for work. Edson was 6'8" with a megawatt smile and hipster style and he smelled wonderful. He was into yoga and told of his transformation out of the toxic masculinity of his cultural upbringing and into a softer, gentler human capable of vulnerability. He said that unfortunately, this transformation had cost him his marriage. They had been separated for 2 years, but had not proceeded with divorce because of her immigrant status and some property disputes, but they generally had a great co-parenting relationship.
Edson was attentive and introspective and complex and interesting. Inside that gorgeous packaging, he had a warm heart, a sharp intellect, great communication skills, and he was a devoted girl-dad, which sent my inner child with daddy issues into a frenzied lather. I went home after one date, but we kept in touch daily, often texting for hours. I noticed, though, that he was reluctant to talk on the phone very often, and FaceTiming was a big fat no. He said he just didn't like talking on the phone. I said I can't do a long distance relationship without it. He said he'd try. because I was worth it.
A few weeks later, I was passing through his city again for work. We made plans to see each other. He did not offer to let me stay at his place, so I booked a hotel room 7 minutes from his house. We went out to dinner and had a wonderful time, although I noticed the story of his marital separation changed from 2 years to 1. Edson talked about his intense feelings for me, and I have to say I was allll the way seduced at this point. Fucking mesmerized, a cobra in her Svengali's trance.
After dinner, we went back to my hotel room where we frolicked en flagrante as one does. Around 11, Edson put his clothes on and went home. No explanation, just no big deal like it wouldn't even make sense for him to stay the night even though this Queen had flown across the country and paid for a hotel room and was only there for one night.
I told y'all I'm an Observant Queen and I do my fucking research. I've been burned and I've learned to trust, but verify. I had tried the usual internet and social media searches based on the first and last names that showed up on my caller ID when Edson called me - but there was nothing to find. Well. AS IT TURNS OUT...that was not Edson’s actual last name. When asked, he declined to provide any explanation whatsoever for why his actual last name was different than his caller ID. Now it could be any number of innocuous reasons, but his response was "I'm not really concerned about what my caller ID says".
With his actual name in hand, I returned to my Nancy Drew activities. This led me to his Instagram account, which led me to his wife's instagram account, on which THE MONTH PRIOR this Gorgeous Queen had posted a very glamorous solo photo of herself, wearing her wedding band, and tagging Edson with the photo credits.
I'm blonde so I'm not great at math, but shit was starting to add up and I did not like the sum of the parts. Not one to sit on these kinds of discoveries, I pulled Edson into the interrogation room and placed him under the hot lights. Edson quickly became VERY irritable, accusing me of being nosy, of being a private eye, of getting all up in his business, of not knowing what I was talking about and "YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRUST ISSUES".
My Sacred Sisters, this kind of gaslighting is intended to make you think you're the crazy one, and I 100% went there. Oh I back-pedalled. I apologized. I knew things were done between us, but I really thought I had shit the bed and our demise was all my fault. I LET THIS DIRTBAG MAKE ME THINK I WAS CRAZY. You might be thinking the same thing.
That's around the time that I discovered the Facebook groups for women to dime out double-dealing men. You post the guy in there, or look for a guy who might have been posted before, and find out what experiences other women might have had with him. These groups are doing THE LORD'S WORK my Queens, and if you are dating and you are not in one of these groups, you are flying blind unnecessarily.
I joined the group for Edson's city and I posted his photo and simply asked if anyone in the group had any tea to spill. Word to the wise: there are some snitching bitches in these groups and they will run and tell these losers what was said and who has said it. ALWAYS POST ANONYMOUSLY.
In less than 24 hrs, Edson was blowing up my phone talkmbout haven't you traumatized me enough and you better stop slandering my name. GTFOH you low life lying POS. I ASKED FOR TEA. You would think I dragged him through the mud and told everyone about his teeny tiny 🍆.
Anywho, a woman who has playtime with him on the regular reached out to me in my DMs. She shared the nature of their relationship and wanted to know what my experience had been, so I told her what had happened, and that I just was hoping for confirmation one way or the other because he made me believe I was crazy.
My Sister Queens, I AM NOT CRAZY. I am a fucking Warrior Queen and my gut never lies! This woman proceeded to send me screen shots of her text conversation with him ABOUT ME, in which he plainly stated "oh I definitely lied to her. I just told her whatever she wanted to hear so I could fuck her." He also told her he thought I was obsessed with him (as if!), but this Sister Queen had my back because she told him "she is not obsessed with you, you gaslit her and she just wanted to know if she was crazy".
Case closed, my Beautiful Goddesses. You will be happy to know that I never responded to any of his outrageous accusatory and threatening text messages. I got my answer and I got the hell out of there with my dignity in tact.
But that will be the LAST MAN who lies to my face and then blames my trust issues and gets away with it. If I had a dime for every man who has done that to me, I'd be relaxing in my ocean front mansion in paradise drinking a cocktail. The next dude who tries to pull that shit with this Queen might walk over here, but he'll limp back.