Jay M The Love Bomber and the Great Ghosting
Updated: Jan 25
This story is about a broken man named Jay M, who went hard in the paint in his hot pursuit of yours truly until the moment aliens abducted him and I never heard from him again.
I first met Jay about 6-8 months ago on a dating app. Jay painted a pretty picture of himself….great job, divorced for many years, homeowner, ready to settle down with his Queen and make plans to retire together in Portugal. Well I like Portugal and I fancy retiring there and so I sat on my throne and allowed Jay to show me what he got.
Jay and I went on a few dates and talked for hours on the phone and I guess Jay thought his secrets were well-hidden. But I’m an Intuitive Warrior Queen with High Sensitivity Personality Type and I’ve been fucked over by men A LOT, so my radar settings are cranked up to the HIGHEST setting and good luck getting things past this Observant Queen.
I started applying some of my one-of-a-kind-patent-pending mathematical equations to Jay’s stories and behaviors, and you guessed it - shit did not add up. So I put Jay under the hot lights in the interrogation room, and welp, that didn’t take long. Jay cracked under the pressure P.D.Q.
Turns out Jay was desperately trying to extricate himself from a very painful, years-long entanglement with a married CO-WORKER who had been promising to leave her husband for Jay for years. But bless his heart, Jay was finally figuring out that wasn’t actually ever going to happen.
Now Jay was very much in love with this CO-WORKER who would never retire in Portugal with him, and he was wounded and raw and hurting. So Jay decided it would be a good idea to find ANOTHER woman to make him feel better about himself. Except Jay had me confused with someone else. Jay mistook me for a Queen who doesn’t know her worth and likes co-dependent caretaking. Jay thought the purpose of women is to service men’s needs, and Jay was in desperate need. Jay thought I was a replacement part.
That is not how the Universe works, Jay. I am Royalty and I am the Prize and I’m all about compassion, but I ain’t your emotional support human here to patch up your broken heart and prop up your fragile ego because you let another Queen walk all over you.
So I gave Jay his walking papers and set him out on the curb waiting for trash day as any empowered Warrior Queen would. Oh and of course I blocked his number.
A couple of months went by, and I noticed I had a bunch of voicemails in my blocked folder 😂. Apparently, Jay had been calling me and leaving me long voicemails, begging for me to talk to him and blathering on and on about how amazing I am (you got that right) and how he made a huge mistake and he’s so sorry and what can he do to make this right with me. Begging me to let him take me on just one date. Okay if not a date, at least have sex with me one time - because of course that would be the offer no one could refuse. They always do it. They either trip over their dicks or they trip over their audacity, and usually it is both. Jay Jay Jay….you are paiiiiiiinfully predictable!
I finally unblocked him and sent him a text telling him to stop wasting his time, IT’S A NO FROM ME DAWG. Jay went away. For a while. But every month or so I’d get a little “miss me yet?” Text, or “thinking of you”. I ignored these with an eyeroll and kept it moving.
Round about Thanksgiving, Jay started reaching out more. Told me he’d bought me a Christmas present. Sent flowers to my house. Bought me a gift certificate to my nail salon. I mean this dude threw himself into romancing me FULL THROTTLE. Go big or go home. I recommended he get a therapist, and he promised he would. I suggested some self help books for him to read, and he ordered them from Amazon. I told him he didn’t have the emotional maturity to date a Warrior Queen like me, and he agreed and vowed to up his game.
Now I am not dating anymore. I have done my shadow work and I have looked every single demon in the eye and asked those MFers what they want from me, and I have done a LOT of healing. I am a courageous Warrior Queen and a Consciously Awake Woman and I’ve lost my joie d vivre when it comes to trying to date these broken boys who belong in emotional rehab more than they belong in a romantic relationship. But by December, at which point Jay was really putting his back into it, texting me every single day with declarations of his plans to ”put a ring on it” because he just KNEW I was meant to be HIS Queen….I must have been bored, So I sat on my throne and I entertained this little fellow while he groveled and begged at my feet for me to consider him. My Sacred Sisters, I am not perfect. I am a beautiful mess and I got hella daddy issues, and frankly the attention felt nice. I’m a Queen, and Queens enjoy being worshipped and Jay insisted on providing me this adoration, so I allowed it, offering nothing in return.
Soon, Jay started begging to see me, but it was the middle of the holidays and ain’t nobody got time for silly boys during the holidays. I am the Grand Matriarch of a beautiful family and we love each other to death and I had no interest in disrupting that vibe for a man-child.
However, I did ultimately agree to a NYE date. I had no plans, all my family would be gone, and while I don’t mind spending NYE at home in my Royal PJs watching a good movie, I decided to let Jay take me out and treat me like the Queen that I am. Only he was very stressed at work and didn’t have the time or energy to plan the date and would I mind doing it. Ugh. But I saw the benefit to this design, because I would have full control over the experience and could jettison the whole deal if at any point during the date I felt uncomfy, after which I could go back to plan A - PJs and a movie.
Now this is where things take a hard left turn. On Christmas Day, I was at home reveling in the company of my beautiful family. Jay was at his house, spending the day entirely alone - a data point which I was having trouble filing. Was that just unfortunate and a sad one-off, or should I add it to the growing pile of red flags labeled “Jay M”? I’m leaning towards the latter. Anyway, we were texting on and off throughout the day, and I could tell he was definitely fighting a full blown pity party. Makes sense.
Around 7pm Christmas evening, Jay texted me that he had just gotten a phone call from a former CO-WORKER who had invited him to come hang out. Cool, I said, good plan. A half hour later, he texted me that he had arrived at said CO-WORKER’S house. I heard nothing more from him until about 11pm, when he texted to say that he was wrapping up and heading back home shortly. Now I did not know what to make of these status updates, but I played along. I told him it’s Christmas night, people are out drinking and driving, so let me know when you’ve made it home safely. I waited about 40 minutes without hearing from him, so I went to sleep. I woke up the next morning to a text message he sent at 4:30 am saying they had decided to “play a game” and he was still there.
Now Jay and I are both in our 50’s, and I don’t know what it would take to keep me up until 4:30am short of hookers & coke or absolute calamity, but you won’t find me up at 4:30am playing scrabble. Jay was lying and I knew it. I texted him back that I hoped it was the good time he needed and said no more.
The next message from him was at 3:30 in the afternoon, the day after Christmas, letting me know he had just woken up. I really was so over this whole situation at this point, so I left him on read. Queens do not have time for these silly shenanigans.
Y’all, FOUR DAYS LATER I get a cryptic text from Jay saying that he was sorry, he just had “a lot going on”. 😂 Never to be heard from again 👻
Moral of the story: Zebras don’t change their stripes, and red flags don’t change to green, not even for a Warrior Queen.
But the story has a great ending (in addition to the part where Jay finally sees himself out, Thank God): Those NYE plans I made? Oh I invited my gay bestie and he and I had the best time ever and I would not change a single thing! 💝